It's a Hard Knock Life

Lately, it seems as if my job has become more social worker, psychologist and Peanuts-style-Lucy-advice-giver than investigator. I'm okay with that because it means maybe I can help a family before law enforcement actually has to step-in and take action that is more permanent in nature. I'm not trained in any specific field, but I've done a lot of research and I've had two kids of my own who are doing okay. Combine that with the fact I was a bit of a hellion as a teenager (and from time to time today),  I can see the world in a perspective that is sometimes unique.


I had a conversation the other day with a parent who has done everything for their child, has battled all of their battles for them and now is having problems with him. I had to ask them, "Why did you do this?"


I know it's hard as a parent to see your child suffer, but there are natural consequences to one's actions and I believe it's not to early to start teaching your children that. If you touch a hot stove, you will get burned. Depending on the age of the child, you might pull their hand away and spank it. For older kids, they might actually touch the stove and realize, "When I touch it, it IS hot." If you don't follow the logical progression of teaching a younger child natural consequences, then when that child becomes a teenager, problems ensue.


This parent called me because he couldn't get his son up for school. He's gone so far as to set his own alarm an hour and a half early so he can start the process of nagging, scolding, yelling, yanking the covers off the bed, turning the radio up loud, using water as a wake up device, pulling his son out of the bed and dragging him to the closet.... well, you get the idea. I asked him why he was doing that. He said if he didn't do that his son wouldn't get up and would miss the bus then he would have to take him and be late to work himself.


Excuse me?
Can you say enabling?


I understand the school district's policy on tardies and absences and a parent's responsibility to take one's child to school. However, this kid is almost 17 years old. At what point do you say enough already? And that's exactly what I asked him.


He was stunned by my question so I asked him again and was met by silence.


I explained. In another year, this kid will graduate and then probably go to college. He'll get a job. I asked him, "Are you going to be getting him up for college or awake in time for work everyday? Are you going to call his boss and explain to him that he's late or write him a note or take him to his job because he just couldn't get it together to get up on time? At what point do you say, 'Enough?'"


I also asked him what time this kid goes to bed. He said that it's anywhere between 10pm and 2am. I have teenagers, one of which carries a heck of a course load, but there is NO need for a regular 2am bedtime when you have to get up early for school. Teenagers need a recommended NINE hours of sleep a night. (Resource: National sleep foundation) Obviously that's not going to happen and things are going to suffer. No wonder that kid can't get out of bed. He's working against a biological drive to sleep.


He said I made a very valid point he hadn't thought about and thanked me for my time.


A few days later, he called me back. He told me that night when his son came home he basically threw down the gauntlet and told him to set his alarm and to be in bed no later than 10pm on school nights; he was no longer waking him up for school and if he missed his bus, he could walk. Apparently his son didn't buy it. His son woke up about 11am and called his father at work to take him. Dad stood firm and told him, "You have two legs. Use them."  The day after that, he didn't wake him up again and the son again missed the bus. He called his father and apparently begged him to pick him up and take him to school. Dad told him, "Son, I can't do that because you need to learn to do some things on your own. This is one of them. Do it." On the third day, his son was up and ready to meet the bus.


I'd like to say that all is going to be perfect, but we all know that bad habits are hard to break. I'm glad that this father is working toward instilling new, healthy ones in his son before it's way too late.


The School of Hard Knocks isn't an easy one. However, I believe that as our children become older, we have to give them more responsibility to do some things on their own and make their own mistakes. After all, if we don't do that, we haven't properly prepared them for the adult world that is to follow and that's not the School of Hard Knocks. It's the World of Hard Knocks.

Dream a Little Dream

Ah.... "Smash" was on tonight and I missed the first twenty minutes. However, I have to say I think I got the gist of the show and next week I won't miss the season finale. In the meanwhile, I will probably have to see if it's on NBC.com or Hulu and catch what I missed. In case you wondered, the answer is yes.
I am.
Addicted.

Tomorrow I have a training session for half the day at work and I can honestly say that I really don't want to go. It's not that I want to listen to the construction crew jackhammer the concrete walls and ceiling during the remodel tomorrow either. (That's getting really, really old.) However, the program "they" are "demonstrating" for four hours, I have been using for a while now. I'm pretty sure I need about 20 minutes to fill in some blanks  and I'm good. There are people I'm sure that need the full four hours. Heck, there are some that might need more than that. Who knows? But I am not one of them and I am considering taking my Nook to class to read for a bit. Would that be horribly wrong of me? (Anyone have a good book to recommend?)

Anyhoo, I've been having what my niece and I call "Pizza Dreams" at night. Usually they occur when we eat pizza a little too late, but I have to say some serious weirdness is going on in my subconscious. I'm thinking Freud might have some kind of  field day with the old gray matter, if ya know what I mean. This morning I woke up in the middle of a flight to God only knows where, but the plane was upside down and Kurt Russell was the pilot. And I'm not talking a little plane. I'm talking about a Boeing 737/747 or something along those lines.
Yeah... rut-roh Shaggy!
 I have no idea where on earth Kurt Russell would have come from either. I haven't seen a movie, read a news article, or anything with him in it. But BOOM! There he was.

So, I suppose I'm going to go to bed shortly... and yes, I had pizza for dinner tonight. God help us all.

Sleep Deprivation

Ok. I'm writing this at 1215AM. I should be in bed, but frankly, that won't happen for a few. So I can continue to toss and turn and generally be pissed off at the universe (again) or I can sit and write a little bit and put the frustrations to good use.

Sleep deprivation is a bad thing and from the targetwomen.com website, I had to do a little cut and paste so I could put this all in perspective.

Some of the common symptoms of sleep deprivation are fatigue, lack of physical energy and exhaustion. Our emotional moods are affected by exhaustion and fatigue. This condition in turn will lead to pessimism, sadness, stress and anger. To function effectively, the frontal cortex of our brain needs sufficient sleep. The ability to control speech, problem solving and accessing memory is all controlled by the frontal cortex and if there is not enough rest, these abilities are affected. If there is no sufficient rest, driving can be dangerous.

Adult symptoms of sleep deprivation may vary from those of a child. Yawning constantly, dozing off while watching a television show, poor concentration and grogginess while waking up are some of the symptoms adults display when they are deprived of sleep. The symptoms of a sleep-deprived child include irritability, daytime naps, tantrums, hyperactive behavior and moodiness. Getting out of bed in the morning is a problem for children who experience sleep deprivation.

There are a number of consequences for not getting the recommended number of hours of sleep a night, which by the way are 8. The heftiest one: obesity. The most morbid; death. Not a fan of those ideas.

To put this sleep thing in perspective:
* My darling hubby snores to the point where it's not only loud, but the vibrations carry throughout the bed and there are some nights ( about 50% of the time) I have to take some melatonin or a night time sleep aid to help even get to sleep.
* If I am lucky, I can actually sleep in my own bed one or two nights a week. The majority of the time I have to move to the couch (Remember that not a fan thing? Count this in on that.)
* There are some nights one of the kids is spending the night with a friend or grandparents. Those nights I generally get to sleep an entire night in a bed.
* Couple the aforementioned with a lack of exercise (because I'm freakin' tired) and the extra 50-60 pounds I'm carrying, a lovely case of what I think is RLS (possibly caused by the night time sleep aids) and to top it off ... plantar fasciatis... no wonder I am only averaging 4 - 6 hours of sleep a night.

Now.. if you look at the fact I generally am getting to sleep about 0100 - 0130 and have to get up and pee at least once, sometimes twice, because of other physical problems then I say that starts moving the sleep scale down to 3-5 hours a night because it sometimes takes me a while to get back to sleep after waking.

I'm not the only one in the family that suffers from this malady. My mother is a poster child and I do wonder about some freaked out genetic link. Sleep deprivation has a lot of behavioral side effects and I found this one which really does describe me and my mom to some degree...

If you were a happy-go-lucky by nature, get ready for a new you, if you are a victim of sleep deprivation. Nothing will make you happy, as you will be down almost all the time. Not only will your health be affected, but you will also get drowned from the mental point of view. Thus, the positive vibes, which you would have bought in the room previously, is going to be replaced by a lethargic and a negative atmosphere. www.effectsofsleepdeprivation.net

I can't say mom's ever been happy-go-lucky, but negativity is her mainstay. And lately, I find myself to be quite irritable nature.

Irrespective of the importance that the person, at the other end, holds in your life, you will start getting irritated with everything coming from them. This may cause fissures in the relation and ultimately, lead your life to get filled with stress and tension.

If I look at my situation honestly, yes. This is the case. Not a fan of this either.

So what's the solution?
They claim: exercise, relaxation techniques, meditation, diet and sometimes natural supplements.

I could argue against many of these, but the fact of the matter is I'm knee deep in Crap-Creek and need a way out. I'm starting a new blog that will hopefully focus on these very issues. Stay tuned for more details... after a word from this nap. Good night...

Day 109 - Idol, White Wedding, and Sleep

Let's start with my fodder from Idol. Last night's performances of Carol King tunes, which is ALL the rage with hipsters these days, was interesting. I have to wonder if this theme was chosen to keep the two remaining females in the competition as it really doesn't make much sense no matter how you look at it. There were 6 solos and 3 duets and I have to say at this point - not really a fan of any of the duets last night. But one contestant stood out from the rest of the pack, again. James Durbin. He totally slayed "Will You Still Love me?" and was by far the best of the night. So... predictions on who I think will be in what position after the votes are tallied:

Top 3
1. James - that was outstanding. Bar none the best.
2. Casey - It wasn't as good as past performances, but not much competition tonight
3. Scotty - All things being equal, parts were really good and it was nice to see him not rely on the LOWs in his voice.

Bottom 3
4. Lauren - She sang it safe and predictable. I'm still confused as to how one's voice cracking qualifies one as a good singer.
5. Haley - So-So performance.
6. Jacob - Has got to go. And whoever dressed him like a spastic golfer had to have been drunk.

In other news, tomorrow there will be a new princess in England. While many really don't care, I'm looking forward to seeing this little event. I don't know that I will get up at 0300, but I do want to see bits and pieces. It's a cool day for Great Britain and I hope they enjoy the show.

Because of the wedding, I will experience a lack of sleep. I don't know about you, but my functionality of this week is already waning and I need a nap even as I write this. Somehow, there is a great force in the universe that has put up a blockade against my efforts to snooze, but hopefully, I will go to bed a wee bit early and get a few good hours in. I hope.
More later...